I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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