Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My Higher Power is John Stamos
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
