Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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