Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize