were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I party with great urgency now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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