Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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