I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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