Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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