Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
