I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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