Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
