she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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