My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This show inspires me to have sex in space
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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