Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize