it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
