Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
