Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
