how can u be prego again
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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