Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
