i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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