Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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