Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
