yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
