Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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