:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the condom got lost in my hair
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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