I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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