So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Randomize
