yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
