the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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