i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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