Porn is love you can see.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Be still, my beating vagina.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
