I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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