why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
