Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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