It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
