Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
