So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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