just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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