You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
