I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize