I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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