I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
