Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
