How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
