we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
