she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
