I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
