I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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