he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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