if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
