idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
