Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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