It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
