Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize