I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
