ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
