i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
