I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i would punch a child for taco bell
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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