I cannot find my penis.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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