i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
