and you said cock pushups were impossible
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
