we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
