If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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