Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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